I can't...

I can't do this anymore. I wonder if I was meant to be a mommy. Collin is driving me to the point of panic attacks and anger I didn't know I had. My OB wants me to go see a cardiologist for the "attacks" but I feel to chicken to do it. This child beast does not stay in bed. I wouldn't care if he slept with us but he doesn't want that either. He wants to roam the house and tear it to pieces. I am tired, the pregnancy is making me tired and I can't handle this kid. I need a nap in the daytime but Collin fights naps for about 2 hours. I don't know why, it is clear that he is tired. All we do is yell at each other. Even when I put in the effort to play it ends unpleasant within 2 minutes because he throws something at me or breaks something to see my reaction. No punishment works. Time outs make him giggle. Spankings have about 10 seconds of effect and then he starts his evil doings again. Talking doesn't work. He repeats everything you say so you feel like he is mocking you. Sending him to room doesn't work because he will just tear things apart. I don't know what to do with him.

I am done being pregnant. I want my body back. I have never been this fat before or this exhausted. I have also never been this forgetful. I started leaving myself notes so that I remember to do simple stupid things (if I remember to read the notes) I never did get that pregnancy glow. Oh well only 8 weeks left.

I want to be done with the cubscouts. There is no appreciation there. Not from the scouts or from their parents. I feel like I am just a free babysitter and have to give them reminder notes every other day in order for anything to get accomplished. The parents don't care, the kids don't care, ........why should I?

Maybe all of my problems is hormones. If something goes wrong I want to cry. If something finally goes right, I am too tired or affected by the bad to appreciate it. I don't know what to do...hopefully it will get better soon.